If i could tip my vagina, i would.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
