i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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