Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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