I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
