Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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