Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
