He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
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