it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was born a porn star she said
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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