conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
