i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
