The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
