Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
