Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
