I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize