Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
