i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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