Kiss
Puke
youre lurking in front of me
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Send help, water and tortillas.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
