is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
He shit in the fireplace
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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