Whod you bang
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
