I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
