Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
why is half of my head shaved?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
