We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
