I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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