who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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