I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
You smell like a Billy Joel song
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
