Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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