He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
