I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Terrible idea I love it
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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