think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Randomize
