i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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