He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
