last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
try to milk me bitch
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