just tell him i said nine months
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
