EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
