she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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