I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
