Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
