i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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