I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
