her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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