you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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