I wish my penis had an off switch
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
