You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
