I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
