he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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