you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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