3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
please don't ironically join a cult
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