you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
God gave him joint rollers for hands
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
