Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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