Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
