booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
