i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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