I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
