Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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