There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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