The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
