Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
