but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
