Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
