toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize