I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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