apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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