my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
