Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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