I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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