I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
COCAINE IS GR8
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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