dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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