At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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