8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
