I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh god it's open bar.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize