You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
