aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
